My first on my first

I grew up not spending the halloween season in any special way. Oftentimes, we just buy candles, light, and put 'em up on the sidestreet.

This year is my first halloween party on my first job. I was really dreading the day for two reasons: I don't want to spend some bucks for the required costume and I don't want to parade myself in that costume.

Cutting rants short, I bought a costume; even if it means I can't just buy a Dairy Queen ice cream anytime I want for the next couple of days. Adding to the misery (and shame) is the fact that I had to buy the costume from the children's section of the department store. Good thing there is this helpful salesperson who tripple E'd (extended extra effort) to help find a fitting costume for an (childish or childlike, whatever) adult.

I thought I just wasted some good money for that costume. I didn't really want it, if it's not for the P500 fine I would have to pay. Though, come to think of it, my costume is only P50 short of the fine! That is why I hate participating in such events. They just give me more reason to despise costume parties.

I did not really want to be all that kill joy, so I prepped myself into positivity the next morning. I don't know if a 5-minute walk to a restaurant to have lunch while wearing the costume is considered parading. I just can't give a fuss about how out-of-the-mainstream I was because I spent all that hard-earned money for this one-day only costume!

The costume turned out to be useful for some camwh*ring session, anyway.

Pitfalls of predicatbility

(Originally posted on Sunday, October 5, 2008)

Masaya ako na ikaw ang kasama ko. Masaya 'ko na ikaw ang katabi ko. Masaya 'ko na kamay mo ang nahahawakan ko. Masaya 'ko na mga labi mo ang nahahalikan ko.

Masaya ko na ikaw ang nakapagpapasaya sa 'kin. Pero ikaw din ang higit na nakakasakit sa 'kin.

Hindi biro ang higit anim na taon na nating pagsasama. Marami na tayong napagdaan--mga bagay na higit pa sa pareho nating inakala.Naging matatag ako sa tulong mo. Pinalakas mo ang loob ko. Pinatibay mo ang paniniwala ko.

Tinanggap natin ang isa't isa, kasama ang mga kahinaang alam nating likas sa bawat tao.Naniniwala tayong lubos na nating kilala ang isa't isa.

Masaya.

Pero mahirap din pala.

Dahil lubos na kitang kilala, alam ko na kung paano mo pinaparamdam na mahal mo 'ko. Siguro ganun ka din. Dahil lubos na kitang kilala, alam ko na kung paano mo ipakitang masaya o malungkot ka. Alam ko na rin kung kelan ka naglalambing lang o tunay na nasasaktan.

Ikaw din malamang, alam mo na rin siguro lahat ng ito. Dahil sa lubos na nating kilala ng isa't isa, alam na natin ang maari nating gawin tuwing may malaking away o simpleng tampuhan.

Alam ko na ang mga bagay hindi mo gagawin. Madalas umaasa ako na sa kabila ng mahabang panahon na magkasama tayo, mayroon ka pa ring mga paraan para suyuin ako na hindi ko pa nararamdaman. Pero madalas din, walang bunga ang pag-asa ko.

Mahirap din pala pag lubos mo nang kilala ang isang tao. Ang pagiging predictable ang unti-unting pumapatay sa kung anong mayroon kayo. Yung pare-pareho na lang. Yung wala nang lugar para sa iba pang bagay. Yung dahil ito ang nakasanayan, dito na lang tayo.

Hindi ko alam kung paano natin 'to maisasalba. Hindi ko alam kung paano natin maibabalik yung simpleng kasiyahan ng pagiging unpredictable-- yung katuwaan ng bagong pakiramdam.

Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, nangangako akong hindi bibitiw. Sana lang, ganito rin ang nararamdaman mo.

Mali ka

(Originally posted on Thursday, October 2, 2008)

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Pwede naman siguro kitang mahalin kasi hindi naman mali magmahal." Naniniwala ako noon na basta alam mo ang ginagawa mo, hindi pwedeng mawalan ka ng control sa nararamdaman mo.

Ito siguro ang naging dahilan para mangyari ang lahat ng nangyayari ngayon. Noong una, inisip ko na ayos lang ang mapagsabihan mo o di kaya'y mapagbawalan mo. Sabi ko kasi sa sarili ko, mas masarap ang pakiramdam ng napagbabawalan dahil alam kong may pakialam sakin kaysa sa basta na lang pinababayaan.

Nang tumagal, mas naging mahigpit ka. Madalas mabilis kang magalit sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman hawak. Kahit alam kong hindi ko kasalanan, iniisip ko na baka hindi ko lang maintindihan na kasalanan ko talaga kaya ako na rin ang humihingi ng paumanhin. Ayoko kasi ng gulo.

Ironically, masyado nang magulo ang kung anu-anong parte ng buhay ko. Isa ka dun. Pero ayokong maging magulo tayo. Kahit alam ko na 'pag inako ko ang salitang tayo, mas gugulo. Babalik ako sa sinimulan ko.

Pinabayaan ko ang sarili kong mahalin ka dahil napapasaya mo 'ko. Pinabayaan kong lumalim ang nararamdaman ko kahit alam natin pareho kung bakit ilang beses kong pinigilan itong mangyari. Madali ka lang mahalin dahil mabuti kang tao. Pero habang tumatagal, nagiging mahirap kang mahalin.

Bakit?

Dahil alam kong sa bawat araw na pinababayaan ko ang puso kong mahulog sa 'yo, pinababayaan ko ring masaktan ang mas marami pang mga tao. Kasama ka. Kasama ako. Kasama sila.

Hindi nga mali ang magmahal. Pero mali ang balewalaing makasasakit ang pagmamahal na iyon.

Hindi nga mali ang magmahal. Pero mali ang umasang may patutunguhan ang pagmamahal na iyon.

Hindi nga mali ang magmahal. Pero mali ang mahalin ka.

Musings during the wee hours of an office week

I placed the mobile phone beside my head as I get ready to doze off. The time says 1:00 AM. My eyes hurt and my head throbs. Three hours before, I nearly tripped on myself because of sleepiness. I was sure I would have a nice rest when I get to lay my exhausted body on the warm refuge of my bed.

I don't know how I dozed off, but it was vivid that I was awakened, stunned.

There was nothing in particular in my mind when I opened my eyes and found out that it is still pitch black. I may have been sleeping for only a couple of hours. I tried to sleep again, but my system refused to. I checked my mobile phone for the time: 1:30 AM.

Shoot. I haven't even slept for an hour. I was literally rolling on my sheets trying desperately to rest. There was a sudden rush to write about my struggle with sleeping, but my body was too tired to get up. I knew that my head would just hurt more should I force myself to get my thoughts into writing.

Because my body can't cope with my mind, I tried setting aside the drive to write. I thought about other things.

Despite the not-so-cheerful situation I was in during those moments, I thought of something cheerful to write about: something that won't exhaust my brain to think and analyze too much.

This is a rundown of the random things I want to for christmas or anytime anyone thinks of giving me something.

Cheerful, eh?

1. Kikomachine komix (2, 3, and 4)
2. New set of sheets (54") and pillow cases
3. Any hardbound book written by Sidney Sheldon (save for Tell Me Your Dreams) or John Grisham (save for The Client, The Chamber, and A Time to Kill)
4. DVDs of the latest seasons of CSI, CSI: Miami, and CSI: New York
5. Bag holders (wall or cabinet door mountable)
6. Jewelry box
7. Laptop sleeve
8. Any Artwork shirt
9. Gift Certificate for a whole body spa (or foot reflexology)
10. Gift Certificate for a nail spa
11. A whole day treat to Oceanarium or Avilon Zoo
12.Brown or black bag from Tomato (one that can accomodate a whole garbage bag of mess)
13. Pond's Age Miracle cream (hahaha!)
14. Personalized CDs of the latest R&B songs (read: ne-yo, chris brown, rihanna, akon, beyonce)
15. Personalized CDS of all-time favorite love songs
16. DVDs of You Got Served, White Chicks, and Rush Hour 1, 2, and 3
17. A new Sala Set
18. A new Home Theater System
19. A 7 cubic feet refrigerator
20. Gas Tank

I think I slept at around 4 AM. I got up at 6:30 AM to prep up for another office day ahead.

Nice.

Optimism in times of pessimism

Riding jeepneys always gives me the chills of nostalgia that no other public transportation can offer. Every sojourn to different destinations gives me the opportunity to bond with my oftentimes lost true self.

It is also when I ride jeeps that sudden rush of writing about anything overflows my system. Unfortunately, I can't just scribble easily as the transport traverses the eternal rough roads of the metro and as I struggle to hold on to the railings to keep myself from falling and rolling to the streets through to my ugly, messy, and sensationalized last minutes on earth. Ugh, enough morbidity.

Last Sunday evening, in the jeep, on my way home, I was at a state of trans again. I believe I was thinking about what else to write about. As the driver sped off as if he rides the president of the US who could be assassinated if he slowed down for a split second, the topic to this entry was barely visible; though I saw him and it clearly, nonetheless.

In black spray paint, his wheels bore the words: God is good.

Ceteris paribus, I agree, no questions asked.

However, I thought: If I would be in the same position as he is, will I still agree to that? If one day I wake up pushing wagons until the dead of the night with nowhere to possibly park my house, will I still let the words represent my faith?

Today's world is full of crap--pardon the word (If a cold blooded murderer like Teehankee Jr gets a pardon, everybody else should do, right PGMA?).

There are unimaginable crimes happening by the minute; even children get killed unwittingly for reasons no one can ever contemplate. Graft and corruption are plaguing every country, and in each, the consequences always fall on the shoulders of small people--those people who work their bodies off until their every nerve gets numb from exhaustion only to be able to put a single meal on their dinner table. Unexpected pregnancies are on the rise. Underemployment and unemployment rates are also on the fast track. Prices of basic needs are climbing at a rate an average person cannot cope with.

More and more Filipinos are leaving the comfort of the native land just to seek for that so-called greener pasture only to end up being physically, mentally, and emotionally battered. It is also of worth to mention that the Philippine government has failed miserably over and over in giving assistance and guidance to most of these bagong bayani who suffer from primitive and uncivilized acts that send them sailing in a vessel on their untimely and irreversible bitter trip home, without much ado to the permanent damage done to their loved ones.

There are a lot to complain about. From the slightest split ends on your hair to the poverty-stricken country you call home, unending questions of "why me" hound our everyday lives. Even if you have a decent home and job, you still find things to rant about; what more should you be pushing a wagon under the unforgiving heat of the sun or through the heavy and angry fall of rain?

If a simple man just like that one I saw can still see the good in God, thus, in his life, despite his societal situation, how come more and more better off people are coming up with excuses to blame God for their every failure or disappointment?

I really don't have answers to those questions.

It is just a breath of fresh air to see such display of optimism in times of definite and seemingly hopeless quicksand of pessimism.

Thinking (of and about) and taking chances

In all aspects of life, there is this thing we call "comfort zone." Whether it be in the family, at work, in friendships, or in romantic relationships, we all have a little room where we stand and feel perfectly safe. It is in this little space where we can move around freely and not threaten the bonds we have with different persons in our lives.

In most cases, people would say that they can be their true selves at home with their family or relatives. In my case, nope, na-uh, not really. It has been a long time since I felt comfortable being myself at home. Yes, yes, I had a so-so normal childhood. As I grew up, however, there were established norms (as always) that you find too suffocating, especially when you study at a university that claims to be the most liberal of all in the country.

It is not to say that the norms established were as primitive as ancient times. You just know that you can't sincerely express yourself because the people at home would have a whole different set of belief. We all have our own beliefs, yes, and we should respect each other's. It just becomes intolerably annoying when parents insist their beliefs on you. It is enough that they say it up front, but it just makes me want to barf when they tell stories just to insinuate what they believe how you should be acting and thinking.

At work, on the other hand, there is always a fine line between seeing your co-workers as simple colleagues and as one of your friends (one of the trusted ones? Now, that should cover another topic). Your comfort zone always lies on grounds of office work and some personal mishaps, related to work, of course. The boss can do a little chit-chat with you and even kid around, but you always have to be on the look out for momentary slips of the tongue, especially when it involves him (or her). No matter how they say that they are as good as your friends outside the workplace, fact remains that they are still your superiors. Whatever you say against them, personal or political, they would take those as human beings. It is never possible to have a distinct border between personal opinions and professional ones. Professional decisions could be carried out from objective contemplations, but impossibly without regard for personal stands.So next time you want to crack that joke to your boss, tighten your mouth a bit and think first.

On another note, I have friends--all sorts of 'em. I must say I enjoy the company of any of them. We could go blabbering 24/7 on just about anything--from God to the act of sex, yes, those types of friends. Yet, you would have to agree that there will always be only one set of 'em that you can share this certain part of your life with, and there will be another sets for the other parts. The fact remains that there will be bits of your life that only these or the other friends of yours know, but not all of them can know everything about you. Most of the time, it depends on how you think and believe they would receive you if they knew a certain truth about you.

In romantic relationships, however, people tend to give it all. It is in this area that even if we stumble so many times over, we never get scared to get up and get scratched and bruised again. After a wasted love, most people say, even swear, that they will never take another shot at it, but at the most unexpected time, they eat what they say and go totally berserk at the idea of love on their hands again. People never learn.

However, in a seemingly happy and ideal relationship, what could possibly go wrong? Well, I believe there is only one thing that could go totally out of control--predictability.

At the beginning of any relationship, people always put their best foot forward. Maybe not always to impress the other person, but to make oneself feel that he (or she) deserves the attention. Every now and then, you discover something new about the other person and it makes you feel that you want to know him (or her) better. These small things that you didn't know make you want to be with the person more. However, as you spend more time together, the familiarity that binds you is the same thing that kills the romance.

Because you have become familiar with the likes and dislikes of the other person, you tend to border on the safe side. People classify things under plain black and white, dos and donts, yes or nos. Because you already know that this will make the other cry, angry, or crazy, you simply dismiss it. This is when relationships start to take a familiar and fatal routine.

It is not to say that once in a while you try driving each other mad. Just try to do something new: something you are totally unaware of how the other person might take it. You might end up having a major fight, but at least you did something out of the mainstream.

Again, this is not to say try something immoral or illegal. Just do something fun: something that you do not usually do with him (or her), something you think might spice up the relationship a little bit. Who knows? This little spice might be the biggest spark to the rekindling of old feelings: the kilig that we thought we'd only feel at the sight of our long-time crush.

This kilig factor might sound high school-ish, but admit it or not, it makes or breaks the bond you share. If the person does something and you get angry or upset, that is a good sign. At least, you know you still care about his actions. On the other hand, should you feel indifferent about whatever the person does or says, it is undoubtedly the big time to pack up and move on.

Indifference is the major killer of relationships. If he (or she) does something that you do not give a fuss about, it's time to pause and let the hurly burly pass by you first.

Think--that is what we often forget to do in relationships. Sure, there is this one good ol' interesting word we call spontaneity, but it is not the only thing that make relationships work.

Thinking gives people the space to go back to the smallest details of how and why whatever reached this certain point. It drives people to go back to the very reason why they are with whomever they are with: simply because they both want to be together.

With this simple reason, maybe we can all come up with a whole list of reasons why we want to stay together.

Because every single day does not promise another day with him (or her), pause and think for a while, then take chances.

It is always better to take chances that are thought of than take risks just for the pride of saying you actually took a new but meaningless turn.

On intruders

You were awaken by a direct hit of sunlight on your face. It's kind of warm. You look at the clock. 8:30 AM on a Saturday morning. You don't need to to be awake this early. You try to doze off again. It's just hard to drift off to dreamland again 'cause you suddenly thought of the chores you have to do for the day, so you get up.

You shake off that sleepy head and tried walking around the room just to make sure that you have really left the warm cuddle of your sheets. You tried coffee. Yeah, well, it kind of worked for a while. You tried a nice warm bowl of soup. That's better. You feel a little ready for the day. You went toward your bed and thought of getting it made up, at least for starters. Yet, it's as if the bed is hypnotizing you into a world of deep slumber. No, you still have a lot ahead of you.

You walk around again, did a few stretching and aha! There's the key. You turn it on, surf a little, sing along, surf again, then finally set it on one station. You start picking your dirty clothes and sorting them by color. You pile the whites in the bin and soak it in soap powder. It's only a few dirty clothes, you'll be done in an hour or two. Besides, you have set the radio to what you think will get you through this chore in a breeze.

After a few songs that got you grooving while brushing those dirt away, your current favorite song starts playing. You were more driven now than two seconds ago. You brush those dirt away and smell the good ol' scent of laundry soap powder while smiling ridiculously at your sheepish acts.

Halfway through the song, you're ready to wash off the soap from your clothes and let them dry so you can iron them at the end of the day or tomorrow if you get lazy. However, by some compounding elements of the earth, your favorite song was cut midway by some collegiala-like snort.

Ugh, she cuts off the song for some unmindful remark on her fellow DJ! What was she thinking? Cutting songs halfway through is not your job! You are supposed to play them entirely without your unwitting remarks in between stanzas! Oh good heavens, do I still need to explain what you should be doing?

Do people dial the same seven-digit number for nth number of times until they get blisters just to request for their favorite songs and give DJs a chance to screw it up midway?

Yes, I know DJs always do it and it's time we tell them that it's just annoying. They can speak their minds about the song before or after and not during the song. Besides wreaking havoc in an early saturday morning, they can lose their listeners with such practice.

I personally do not turn on the radio to listen to some personal angst of DJs. I turn it on to search for some good songs to ponder on, especially during an isolated weekend morning. I turn to it like a little child turn to its little huggable doll. It serves as refuge to many people.

Different songs reflect varieties of feelings, and there lies the secret why people turn to them all the time. There is always one perfect song that can reflect a certain emotion at a certain moment. Whether it be anger, remorse, sadness, or happiness, there is always one song that screams your heart out to the world. This song reaffirms that you are not the only person who feels that way. It helps you through that emotion.

I believe DJs are abusing their power of the radio medium. They are not there only for personal satisfaction. They have a crucial job of saving the medium from extinction. You know, with all the techie stuff that drown us today, the radio might be nearing its doom should the people in position do not carry out their jobs right.

Do not drive people away by ruining their favorite songs as they listen to it in an early and sleepy weekend morning.

Dear DJs, you can still manage some improvement if you stop intruding within the songs. You can still save absolute damage to the medium by carrying out respect for the songs and listeners.

Richest, wealthiest, filthiest

A year ago, our PI100 professor asked the class to search for the Philippines 40 Richest. He asked us to take five from the list and assassinate them as soon as possible---oops--nah, just playing.

He asked us to take five names and provide a brief background (age, net worth, business) about each of them.

I don't exactly remember whose names I picked. What is vivid in my mind is the ridiculously large amount of wealth that has become synonymous with their names.

Two days short to a year, Forbes magazine published this year's Philippines 40 Hideously Rich. Oh, did I say hideous? I meant abhorrent. Oh, they mean the same? Okay, no denial here.

I am outraged. Enviously outraged? Maybe. I really didn't care if they are richer or poorer today than yesterday. What made me seething with anger was the irony of such statement: "This year 25 tycoons are poorer." Find the full article here: http://www.forbes.com/global/2008/1027/053.html

According to merriam-webster, a tycoon is "a businessman of exceptional wealth and power."

Here is the direct link to the definition: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tycoon

It is not their fault that they are rich--way richer than anybody I have rubbed elbows with. They are so rich that the gridlock between the rich and the poor has become something we all have to live with; I mean, between the waaaaaaaaaay richer and the waaaaaaaaaay poorer.

It just felt like adding insult to injury when they put in one sentence the words tycoon and poorer. Yes, this may be in relation to their net worth that took a dive (partially?) because of the US economic crisis, but to say that they are poorer is just insulting.

Try talking about how poorer the tycoons got from last year to this year to an underemployed middle-aged man with three children living in one of the congested alleys of the metro. Try presenting him with the premise that these tycoons are actually poorer because instead of a hundred million worth more of income they settled for a hundred million less. Try arguing that we should feel for this tycoons because their businesses are not making as much as they have been for the past years.

Try all these and let us see how this person tears you up in shreds.

When this man could not even make meets end for his family, the world seems more interested and sympathetic with the upper echelon of society. When he could not even place a decent food on the table, the world seems to be more empathetic to those who can even afford an everyday fiesta.

When Juan dela Cruz is suffering from drain working his brains out to provide for his basic needs, his fellow Filipinos seem to be much more at awe with those who can even sleep off every minute of their life and still generate an income not less than a hundred times as much as a minimum-wage worker makes.

When most of us cannot even arise from the slums of poverty, we are made to worry about the lost millions of some tycoon.

Why do they come up with an annual listing of the Philippines 40 Richest? Yes, it is their job, but performing ones job does not give any one of us an excuse to be indifferent with the larger issues at hand. Alongside presenting the filthy rich of the society, is it too much of a work to present the extreme end of the spectrum?

Why in the world do we need a list of the richest men in society? Is this to drive us into working harder and hoping that one day we get a feel of such hideous luxury? Is this an illustration that we are indeed affected by the economic bane of the US as opposed to the claims of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her mongrels? Or is this just a mockery of the poor?

To just make things a little more innovative, why don't they present the Philippines 40 Most Depressed Areas or the Philippines 40 Areas with the Most Illiterate Filipinos? Are we not in dire need of these information? Are these not more significant to know to get the attention of those in the position and power to initiate change?

The trouble with most people is that indifference has rotten their very soul.

Those who have the means to cultivate grounds of improvement and development are better off as catatonic beings awaiting the taxes of the people to fall into their pockets. That is the only time they get back to their feet--to spend the hard-earned money of the Filipino people.

Those who have the means to reach out and provide for are too cowardly to step out of their safe zones and actually interact with humans. These are not their responsibility, but their supposed human nature should make them step up and take the initiative to bridge the long-standing gridlock between the richest and the poorest.

The movers and shakers of society are not labeled as such for no reason. They are looked up as such because they are recognized to be such.

Unfortunately, we have yet to see who have the guts to stand up and defy status quo. We have yet to discover how these people unfold the very ways to communicate with the extreme ends of the society.

We have yet to experience how a productive and progressive change can be initiated by the very people who established the grounds of societal labeling.

We have yet to uncover if they have the power to take the first step towards cutting back the gridlock that has separated fellow Filipinos.

As much hope as I would like to offer to the heavens, I don't think these are at sight for the next century, if we're lucky.

HE is talking to me through HER

Because a very good friend feels that I might be losing grip on my sanity any moment, she shares with me this song.

I admit to being negative especially when it comes to my faith. All throughout my struggles with my faith and life per se, she has always been positive on me.

I know God especially sent you for me--to listen and talk to me.

Thanks, mare.

Here is one youtube link to the song with lyrics. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU

Here is the lyrics, by the way.

By Your Side (Tenth Avenue North)

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love youI'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

When second chance is undeserving...

Besides the fact that I was only five years old when the incident happened, I never knew of the case until the media hype took its claws on it again.

I actually wanted to write about it since it caught the headlines again, but I thought better. I didn't know anything about the case, the persons involved, and the incident. If I wrote something then, I'll be damned if a fish doesn't talk about flying.

That is why I took the liberty of reading about it. Although I am pretty sure that what I've read is the much more concise material, I take pride in saying that I got the gist of it. I may not have understood every single legal aspect of it, but I sure believe that the clemency awarded was, for lack of a better term, an abuse of power.

In 1995, Claudio Teehankee Jr was convicted of three crimes. Although without premeditation, which was used abusively in his favor, he killed--deliberately. Not only did he kill willingly, but also unwittingly. He took two lives at point blank range, and had Jussi Leino gave up the struggle for his life, it would have been three lives claimed in no more than five minutes. I doubt if Teehankee Jr even blinked every time he pulled the trigger that fateful morning of 1991.

According to one of my former professor's (also a lawyer) mathematics, Teehankee Jr served a total of 17 years in prison. You can find the whole article here: http://www.marichulambino.wordpress.com/

Teehnakee Jr was convicted of three heinous crimes: homicide for the killing of Ronald Chapman, murder for the killing of Maureen Hultman, and frustrated murder for the almost fatal shooting of Jussi Leino. Three heinous crimes, ladies and gentlemen, and Teehankee Jr served only a mere 17 years in prison.

President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has the jurisdiction to award executive clemency, said the constitution. It is in her discretion to give pardon to criminals whom she thought have showed remorse of the crime they have committed.

In a recent interview with Vivian Hultman, sister of the killed Maureen Hultman, she said that Teehankee Jr never admitted to and said sorry for the unjust killing of her sister.

If Teehankee Jr never owned to the crime he was proven to have committed beyond reasonable doubt, how could he have shown remorse? If he never said sorry for claiming two innocent lives and almost claiming a third one, how could he have possibly cleared his conscience of the heinous act?

"Let us give the man another chance." This is what most people say. Well, most people who defend the otherwise questionable decision of PGMA to grant executive clemency to such a high-profile criminal.

If we want to give a chance to every single heinous criminal, why don't we just open the gates of prison cells and let loose all of them with the highest hopes that they are going to make good use of that said "chance" without rethinking that we have flooded the world with unwitting killers and what-nots.

There should always be a room for another chance, yes. That is if Teehankee Jr really served his sentence. According to reports from various media, he lived luxuriously while in prison. He had his own room complete with a flat screen television set, refrigerator, and a king size bed.

While twenty prisoners (conservative estimate) each cell make for two double-deck beds, Teehankee Jr can do a couple of cartwheel turns on his bed; he had nothing to fuss about in his so-called prison cell. In a prison facility that can only accommodate a thousand but actually houses double that number, they could still let Teehankee Jr have his own suite. While other prisoners exchange boils and respiratory diseases every other day, Teehankee Jr is sitting pretty in his palace, probably even smoking a cigar while watching his favorite television programs, or maybe taking a sip from his canned beer soothingly cold enough, thanks to his personal refrigerator.

Teehankee Jr claimed two innocent lives and permanently damaged another. It was cold blooded murder. The victims were defenseless; they did not provoke a confrontation, and they begged for their lives. Chapman, before succumbing to the gun shot wounds, even asked Teehankee Jr why. The latter had no answer.

Until after his release, that was the biggest question for Teehankee Jr: WHY?

Until he owns to his crime and answers that question, I will continue to believe that there had been no remorse of that fateful morning that destroyed three innocent lives and shattered the lives of their friends and families in the process.

The pardon awarded was not deserving and an outright abuse of power in favor of the mighty and at the expense of the weak. There is nothing more blatant in abusing power than this manifested bias for the powers-that-be.

This just proves that no matter how much we die of claiming that we have liberated ourselves from oppressors, at the end of the day, the primitive reinforcement of status quo always wins over the progressive march for change.

At the end of the day, we always yield to the very same oppressors who strip us off our right to the system that we should all enjoy--justice.