In all aspects of life, there is this thing we call "comfort zone." Whether it be in the family, at work, in friendships, or in romantic relationships, we all have a little room where we stand and feel perfectly safe. It is in this little space where we can move around freely and not threaten the bonds we have with different persons in our lives.
In most cases, people would say that they can be their true selves at home with their family or relatives. In my case, nope, na-uh, not really. It has been a long time since I felt comfortable being myself at home. Yes, yes, I had a so-so normal childhood. As I grew up, however, there were established norms (as always) that you find too suffocating, especially when you study at a university that claims to be the most liberal of all in the country.
It is not to say that the norms established were as primitive as ancient times. You just know that you can't sincerely express yourself because the people at home would have a whole different set of belief. We all have our own beliefs, yes, and we should respect each other's. It just becomes intolerably annoying when parents insist their beliefs on you. It is enough that they say it up front, but it just makes me want to barf when they tell stories just to insinuate what they believe how you should be acting and thinking.
At work, on the other hand, there is always a fine line between seeing your co-workers as simple colleagues and as one of your friends (one of the trusted ones? Now, that should cover another topic). Your comfort zone always lies on grounds of office work and some personal mishaps, related to work, of course. The boss can do a little chit-chat with you and even kid around, but you always have to be on the look out for momentary slips of the tongue, especially when it involves him (or her). No matter how they say that they are as good as your friends outside the workplace, fact remains that they are still your superiors. Whatever you say against them, personal or political, they would take those as human beings. It is never possible to have a distinct border between personal opinions and professional ones. Professional decisions could be carried out from objective contemplations, but impossibly without regard for personal stands.So next time you want to crack that joke to your boss, tighten your mouth a bit and think first.
On another note, I have friends--all sorts of 'em. I must say I enjoy the company of any of them. We could go blabbering 24/7 on just about anything--from God to the act of sex, yes, those types of friends. Yet, you would have to agree that there will always be only one set of 'em that you can share this certain part of your life with, and there will be another sets for the other parts. The fact remains that there will be bits of your life that only these or the other friends of yours know, but not all of them can know everything about you. Most of the time, it depends on how you think and believe they would receive you if they knew a certain truth about you.
In romantic relationships, however, people tend to give it all. It is in this area that even if we stumble so many times over, we never get scared to get up and get scratched and bruised again. After a wasted love, most people say, even swear, that they will never take another shot at it, but at the most unexpected time, they eat what they say and go totally berserk at the idea of love on their hands again. People never learn.
However, in a seemingly happy and ideal relationship, what could possibly go wrong? Well, I believe there is only one thing that could go totally out of control--predictability.
At the beginning of any relationship, people always put their best foot forward. Maybe not always to impress the other person, but to make oneself feel that he (or she) deserves the attention. Every now and then, you discover something new about the other person and it makes you feel that you want to know him (or her) better. These small things that you didn't know make you want to be with the person more. However, as you spend more time together, the familiarity that binds you is the same thing that kills the romance.
Because you have become familiar with the likes and dislikes of the other person, you tend to border on the safe side. People classify things under plain black and white, dos and donts, yes or nos. Because you already know that this will make the other cry, angry, or crazy, you simply dismiss it. This is when relationships start to take a familiar and fatal routine.
It is not to say that once in a while you try driving each other mad. Just try to do something new: something you are totally unaware of how the other person might take it. You might end up having a major fight, but at least you did something out of the mainstream.
Again, this is not to say try something immoral or illegal. Just do something fun: something that you do not usually do with him (or her), something you think might spice up the relationship a little bit. Who knows? This little spice might be the biggest spark to the rekindling of old feelings: the kilig that we thought we'd only feel at the sight of our long-time crush.
This kilig factor might sound high school-ish, but admit it or not, it makes or breaks the bond you share. If the person does something and you get angry or upset, that is a good sign. At least, you know you still care about his actions. On the other hand, should you feel indifferent about whatever the person does or says, it is undoubtedly the big time to pack up and move on.
Indifference is the major killer of relationships. If he (or she) does something that you do not give a fuss about, it's time to pause and let the hurly burly pass by you first.
Think--that is what we often forget to do in relationships. Sure, there is this one good ol' interesting word we call spontaneity, but it is not the only thing that make relationships work.
Thinking gives people the space to go back to the smallest details of how and why whatever reached this certain point. It drives people to go back to the very reason why they are with whomever they are with: simply because they both want to be together.
With this simple reason, maybe we can all come up with a whole list of reasons why we want to stay together.
Because every single day does not promise another day with him (or her), pause and think for a while, then take chances.
It is always better to take chances that are thought of than take risks just for the pride of saying you actually took a new but meaningless turn.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment