Where do you go from here?

Broken Strings (James Morrison feat. Nelly Furtado)

Let me hold you for the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

But you broke me, now I can't feel anything

When I love you and so untrue

I can't even convince myself

When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh, it tears me up I tried to hold on but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, what are we doing?

We are turning into dust

Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire

When there's nothing left to say

It's like chasing the very last train

When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up

I tried to hold on but it hurts too much

I tried to forgive but it's not enough To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?

But we're running through the fire

When there's nothing left to say

It's like chasing the very last train

When we both know it's too late, too late

You can't play our broken strings

You can't feel anything

That your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse

So how can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before?

Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

When do you say that you love a person less today than yesterday?

When everything seems to be falling into their right places, you suddenly wake up clueless.

You feel the love, but the magic is gone. You feel you can't go on without another person, but you also can't grow with the same one.

You try to salvage the remains of what you have...or have lost, but every effort is futile.

Hangovers, aye! aye!

Nights out with friends / colleagues are the most relaxing breaks I seriously appreciate nowadays. Despite the heavy and sleepy head I get the mornings after, nothing gets the deal from just having fun after long hours of work. Yes, yes, not too much workload there, but a sitting spree for nine hours isn't much different.

It was only last year that I let myself consume alcohol on an occasional basis. This year was a major breakthrough, though. I am out with friends from work more often (read: at least once or twice slash week); not because we bargain for hangovers during work days, but because we immensely enjoy one another's company and stories, which are, simply put, non-existent within the confines of the workplace. ;)

More revelations on my negative side: I never thought I would be this comfortable with such people in such little time. With all my hang-ups and issues in life (yeah, yeah we all have 'em), I never actually believed I could go out to and with them. And yes, I absolutely never thought I'd even entertain getting up from bed and dressing up again to be with them on nights of absolute spontaneity.

This is a change I embraced with, honestly, one or two hesitations. Alcohol is one thing I thought I'd never learn to drink while out with friends. It just scared me how people turn out when it overwhelms their system. Bad company, the ignorants would say, because we get drunk and what-nots during work days. However, it is not the alcohol (though it gets us through), but everything that's transpired during those blurry, trans-like moments in which you wouldn't remember the transition from sober to wasted (whew!) that make the night fun and hilarious as you can ever imagine. It is during these times that you get to know people as who they really are, sans the computer screens and keyboards and endless jargon of every working day.

Also, as far as my sane self is concerned, it is during these times that I get to be otherwise. Enough said.

Change is constant

Trying my very hard to believe that things are meant to happen as they do, I've finally let go of my most recent hang-up: Globe number for 6 years.

After days of denying that this had really happened before my eyes, I've convinced msyelf that it's time to move forward.

Just as it is hard to leave old persons from your life, it's hard to break free from things that have been attached to you for so long. The more years you count with it, the more value it serves in your life. For some reason, certain things become one's security blanket just because it has become familiar with you. However, as the old (refutable) saying goes, Nothing's permanent but change, and so I am ready to embrace it.

New Globe number, here I am. :)

P.S. Maybe no pin codes this time. I'll try, that is, being the paranoid me.

Betrayal at its best

The last time I checked, you don't talk dirty behind a family's back. There are a lot of skeletons in the closet that only family members know about one another, and I would like to believe that the family per se equates to keeping these inner secrets within the immediate circle. It just stabs right through to the back when a friend betrays you, what more when a family member does.

One betrayal could be tolerated and forgiven; the next is a whole new story.

It can't be denied that confrontations with family members are more than double the stress and pressure than those with friends. However, there is no justifiable excuse to spill about the dilemma to another person without first confronting the one directly involved.

It is also heartbreaking that a family member you've trusted with your inner, true feelings is the same person who couldn't come up to your face and talk about the issue; whatever this may be. It just can't be helped to feel that your imperfections are being used against you to validate their being less imperfect than you are.

RIP not yet my globe number

Last night, for some stupid reason, my globe number had bin pin blocked. I forgot that it only takes three tries to lock me out of my own number. Because I was in extreme panic mode that the number didn't recognize the first pin attempt, I typed it away two more times one after the other. Then it like a hard slap on the face the screen said: "Pin blocked" then appeared another mock "PUK number."

I wouldn't bother writing about my stupidity if that number doesn't have more than its market value of significance for me. I'll go nuts if I don't release this seething self-hate I've had since last night. I've had it since February 28, 2003, way back in senior high. It was only my third time to change a number in my whole 9 years of having a mobile phone. I was and still am at a loss on how this could've happened right under my nose. Out of sheer desperation, I thought of very single place where I can take the my sim and have it unblocked. Despite the ringing sounds of "impossible" in my ear, I am more than determined to try everything and anything before laying it to rest.

I sound like a psycho, I know. 6 years. Not easy to let go. Now I sound like an ex who still has the hang for a former lover. Yes, I am in psycho episode right now. So shoot me.

Damn PIN codes. So much for security.